Welcome to the Red Herring, citizen. Pull up a stool and take a load off. We've got local, international, and extraterrestrial news sure to please the most discriminating palates. So what'll it be, boss? Beer Chicago Tribune Blue-collar beer from the America's "second city." Equal emphasis on crime and sports reminds patrons that Al Capone's hometown is the only major city in America with slaughterhouses that dispose of cattle the old fashioned way: with a club and a knife. Deutsche Welle Lite international news broadacast over the Internet, radio, and television. Small pony kegs are delivered three times a day. In almost two dozen languages. Email subscriptions: majordomo@dwelle.de subscribe nachrichten News of the Weird This full-bodied ale is not for the squeamish. Weekly synopses of bizarre news stories from around the world will put you into orbit. Warning: Can cause fits of hysterical laughter. Email subscriptions: notw-request@nine.org subscribe Süddeutsche Zeitung Im Internet Don't let the crude label on this Bavarian dark beer fool you. One moment you'll find yourself under a mounted boar's head in an alpine hunting lodge. The next, you'll be hearing eloquent literary reviews from your table mates. In German. Spirits Los Angeles Times Watered down "whiskey" from a flat, 50-square-mile suburb with all the personality of a paper cup. Instead of giving you the sordid Hollywood titillation you really want, the politically correct veneer and billboard-sized underwear ads make you feel cheap and dirty. Newspaper vendors are shot on sight by Bay City's finest. New York Times on the Web Highbrow Scotch malt whiskey makes you feel like you grew up in a tree-lined Connecticut suburb with clipper-ship bedroom curtains and the smell of bacon and eggs wafting upstairs from the kitchen. Unfortunately, you're waiting for the A-train in a dark tunnel shared by local "merchants." When you come to, you're face-down on the "Arts and Leisure" page. Wall Street Journal Interactive Edition Simply the best gin money can buy -- and at a price everyone can afford. Unfortunately, the effects of this "youth serum" are felt only by people with blue blood and an American Express platinum card. No hint of a hangover, no matter how much you drink. DIE WELT online Non-nonsense German schnaps that tastes like water but gets the job done quickly and efficiently. As painless and effective as an IV-drip. Lack of sweetness or bitterness may cause tantrums among members of the German Social Democratic Party (SPD). In German. DIE ZEIT im Internet A breathtakingly simple label reminiscent of Albrecht Dürer woodcuts will raise the spirits of aesthetes everyware. Clear schnaps produces clean utopian visions that, unfortunately, can cause severe dispepsia among members of the German Christian Democratic Union (CDU). In German. Coffee Berserkistan Sobering newspaper from Bosnia published by Michael Linder, who originally coined the term "Berzerkistan." Final edition appeared on July 30, 1996. Protest of '96 Strong Balkan eye-opener first brewed by students in Belgrade days after Serbian President Milosevic annulled opposition victories in November 17, 1996, municipal elections. Complementary eggs included.